My career background is in psychology, counseling and social services. I worked for a number of years counseling rape survivors, many who were prostitutes and other women and girls who found themselves in situations where they were attacked while drunk or under the influence of drugs. Time and time again I heard the same questions "was I raped because of what I was wearing?" and "it's all my fault because I was drunk, high, etc." It was such a challenge to help them understand that rape is a crime of power and that, regardless of the negative messages and criticisms they received from the police and/or their families, they were not responsible for what happened to them based on the clothes they were wearing or how inebriated they were. Making poor choices does not cancel-out or excuse the horrific crime of rape. When I first heard about the case of the young 11 year old girl who was gang-raped by over 15 men in Cleveland, Texas it hit me like brick to my head. It's a disgusting fact that there are so many cases like hers happening all around us in every corner of this country. Some are reported. Many others are not. What disgusts me even more is to see the way many of these young girls are being blamed for causing their own rapes as a result of the so-called provocative clothing and promiscuous behavior they allegedly displayed to their abusers and rapists. So many people are missing the truth about these little girls. That they are, in fact, still little girls, regardless of whatever hip-hugger jeans, cropped-top shirts, high-heeled shoes, makeup and mature hairstyles they may be wearing. I wish I could shout this from every rooftop....a promiscuous, sexually active 11 year old girl is NOT a normal, healthy phenomenon, and just because a young girl OR a grown woman, for that matter, dresses in so-called provocative clothing, etc. does NOT mean they "were asking for it" and they have every right to report that they were raped and receive justice.
I can't help but think back to my own youth and the kinds of things that were happening to my peers and I. Back in the 70's, I grew up in a very chaotic, abusive environment. Physical, emotional and sexual abuse was happening to me. I had a great friend back then who was my age and she, too, was being abused physically and sexually. We were bound together by our experiences and our attempts to make sense of the horrors that were happening to us. In many ways it was the blind-leading-the-blind, but we were doing our best to survive and live in difficult realities. Besides the abuse, we both had a lot of other things going on that pushed us out of childhood a lot faster than our peers. We were precocious kids, concerned more about things like politics, reading high school level books and becoming a part of the early waves of punk rock, no-wave, post-punk, etc. than watching tons of cartoons, playing with dolls and squealing over teen mags like Tiger Beat or Right-On. But we were still kids.
There is a difference between precocious and promiscuous. I took a more precocious route and became more emotionally closed with my interactions as a result of the abuse and all the other things I was trying to cope with, but, unfortunately, my dear friend fell into a pattern of behavior that often happens to young girls who are sexually abused -- a very promiscuous sort of acting-out for attention. Make no mistake, children who act-out in such ways are truly not aware of what they are doing, and as a result are at the whim of abusers and rapists who seek to manipulate and take advantage of them. There are so many complex layers to understanding this behavior. Consider how much more murky things become if you don't have connected/involved parents or guardians keeping an eye on a child's behavior. And it's not easy to point the finger and say that kids like this only come from households with drug abusers, etc. Many come from homes with parent(s) who are so distracted and over-stressed from working 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet and support the family, they've lost touch with having control over their children. It's easy to understand if the child in question is outwardly displaying a kind of "mature" behavior they've adopted as a result of being left to take care of themselves. An over-stressed parent could very easily fall into a belief that just because the kid knows how to cook, do laundry, go to the store for groceries, stay at home on their own, do their homework without being nagged, etc. they are doing great and able to care for themselves. My friend came from such a family situation. Divorced parents, her dad was a dead-beat barely giving any consistent support...her mom was a loving, over-worked nurse working insane hours plus another job to keep up with the needs of the family. My friend presented a very mature, calm, knowledgeable facade, but barely anyone really knew the truth of what was going on behind her 11 year old facade with the tight Jordache jeans, clog heels, frosted blue eyeshadow and Farrah Fawcett hair.
If you know any young girls who are acting-out in sexually promiscuous behavior that is entirely inappropriate for their age group it's time for a wake up call. Don't just stand back in the chorus of adults shaking their heads and criticizing the child. Dare to take a stand and be an advocate for the child -- especially if none of the adults in her life are doing anything constructive about her behavior. Remember, it takes a village. Thankfully I survived the trauma and horrors of my childhood abuse and lived to grow into an adult. I still have scars, some physical....many mental and, yes, I'm still dealing with my demons and ghosts....but I survived. My dear friend didn't. She became so lost and continued to spiral more and more out-of-control. She took her own life while we were just beginning to step into our early 20's. Don't be afraid to take a stand and do something for a child in trouble. You may end up saving their life.
Click for articles on the case of the young girl in Texas (particularly
the NY Times article that seemed to be more concerned with the
rapists than with the victim):
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